Leads are critical for establishing reader expectations for an article. Not only do they offer a bird’s-eye view of content, but they also set the tone. Leads are a tiny appetizer for what is to come in the body of the piece.
Following is the lead from an article published on the [Durham] Herald-Sun’s website this morning (9/12/09):
Trojans topple Pirates
DURHAM — Garner came in not in good shape and Riverside could not take advantage of it.
Click here to see how the rest of the article went.
When your reader has to engage in mental gymnastics to understand the lead, something is … er … not right.
Simplify. Say exactly what you mean to say in as few words as you possibly can say it. Use precise vocabulary. What could this writer have said instead of “came in”? Or “not in good shape”? By the time we arrive at the end of the sentence, we have to do a double back-handspring back-tuck combination to figure out what “it” is. Or was.
In all fairness to the writer, he redeems himself in the body of the article. But that lead is a bear.
My head hurts now.
